Perspective (and magnesium)

The picture on the left captures an electrical storm inside the ash of a volcanic eruption. At first glance, you might say, "Holy cow! What is that?" That response might be followed by an appreciation for the skill and courage of the photographer, the power of nature, and finally, the beauty of two, synchronous forces. Each event on its own is nothing to be trifled with - but together? It's inconceivable to imagine being near their combined energy.

My life feels like this sometimes.

In the middle of everything, the testing, the longing for the company of my children, the pills, the uncertainty of my days, the world's economy, bill collectors... it all starts to feel like electrocuted, volcanic ash. A very, scary mess. But I've had a little time to step back, and perhaps there is a redeeming quality to it all. They say that "time heals all wounds." I don't think it heals anything at all. But what time can do is redeem a painful time by giving the wounded an opportunity to see it as something else. Maybe even something that can be appreciated.

In the middle of the storm, all I can feel some days is the destruction of a life I tried to build. On the other hand, nobody said how faith will move the mountain. The fastest and most efficient way probably is to blow it the hell up from the inside out. I have been asking for miracles of epic proportion. Maybe this gigantic, terrifying, and messy state of chaos is exactly what I asked for. I never was very patient anyway.



On a more concrete note, the neurologist suggested that I begin taking a magnesium supplement as a first step toward health. 250-500mg was the recommendation. I began at 250mg and struggled with my gut at first due to magnesium's laxative properties. After about 10 days, however, that side effect subsided, and now that I'm up to 500mg, I'm back to the me I was 10 weeks ago. This condition is by no means satisfactory as an end product, but at least I don't struggle to speak, and I don't have full body spasms anymore.

I have a theory about how a severe magnesium deficiency may have occurred for me. About 18 months ago, I contracted a parasite whose presence brought me a 10-week bought of severe diarrhea. I never did fully recover. When the doctor suggested taking some magnesium, I pulled a book from my shelf entitled The Miracle of Magnesium (yes, it was on my shelf) by Dr. Carolyn Dean and did a little reading. I learned that magnesium is absorbed in the small intestine; mine had not worked correctly for 18 months. And since I had been on diet not far from the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, apples, toast), I certainly wasn't getting nearly the required amount of magnesium from my food. So the combination of parasites, IBS from fibromyalgia, and a poor diet left me severely deficient. And bodies don't function well without magnesium. The author, Dr. Dean, points out that most Americans are likely deficient at some level because our soil is so depleted of minerals, particularly magnesium. I feel so much better that I think everyone who struggles with chronic fatigue, muscle weakness, muscle twitches and spasms, anxiety, and depression should at least talk to their doctor about the possibility of a deficiency. Dr. Dean recommends a blood ionized magnesium test as a better determination of magnesium levels in the body. Or, skip the test and take the magnesium to see if it helps.

Another breakthrough has been the realization that my symptoms are GREATLY exacerbated by the use of Ambien. We didn't even consider it until my husband mentioned that on nights that I took it, I flopped around like a fish in the bed for 15 or 20 minutes. I didn't know because I was asleep. Then I started paying attention to how I felt the next day: awful. The lesson here, kids, is that your medicine is not supposed to make you feel worse. EVER. If it does then you need to complain until you are sure that your physician knows exactly what's going on with you and has ruled out side effects of the medication. Your doctor will figure that if you can put up with it, then why rock the boat and look for something better? SPEAK UP.

In other news, my brain MRI came back "excellent" according to my doctor, and I appreciated his terminology. How many of us have had brain scans come back as "negative," as if there was no sighting of a brain at all? I'm so grateful to have a doctor that thinks about these things.

Finally, thanks to a reader who encouraged me to continue to write. It helps to know that my journey has witnesses, and that my honesty is valued.

Signing off at 3:52am because I don't take Ambien anymore.